Only One
by outerelf
Summary: Red Alert is the only security director on Earth. Which equals a whole lot of work for him. Poor twins, their tailpipes will never be the same again. oneshot


Inferno raised one hand to knock on the door, humming happily. Humans passed by him, bustling to and fro on their business.

Inferno knocked, and waited for a moment. He frowned as the silence stretched on for a few moments, and carefully he typed into the code pad the code Red Alert had given him.

The door slid open, and Inferno walked inside, optics scanning the room for Red Alert worriedly. When Inferno spotted Red Alert, slumped over a table, and writing, albeit writing slowly, he frowned. "Red? Are you alright?"

Red Alert didn't even twitch. Infernos frown grew deeper as he cautiously made his way up to Red Alert, and tapped him on the shoulder. Red Alert screeched in surprise, nearly scrambling onto the tabletop from Infernos light touch. Inferno took a few steps backwards himself, optics wide. "R-Red?"

Red Alert stared at Inferno with blank optics for a few moments, and then sighed, relaxing marginally. "Inferno. When did you-"

"Red, you haven't been seen in the cafeteria for nearly three days." Inferno said, his face darkening. "You haven't eaten, have you?"

Red Alert turned from Inferno, gathering up the datapads that lay scattered across the table. "I've ben a little busy-"

A beeping sound came across the comm. link, and Red Alert flicked it on. "Red Alert."

"Red Alert, we just got word. The president wants to visit the base."

Red Alerts optics offlined for a moment, as he attempted to think of some sort of reply. "I'll get right on it sir."

"Have you the central core human proofed Red Alert? The president specially asked to visit it."

"I'll get a team to work on that." Red Alert said, hands tightening on the datapads.

"Also, we have been waiting for those datapads that have to copied human information that the humans have refused to put onto the internet, and we're not allowed to hack into under Primes orders."

"I'm getting started on that." Red Alert said tiredly.

Inferno was about to say something, when the comm. link went dead. "That's a lot of work Red."

"Inferno, please take over monitor duties for right now." Red Alert said dully. "I've got to figure out the security plans, get to work human proofing the Ark-"

Inferno shook his head. "Sorry Red, I already promised Firestar that I'd help her with moving into her quarters and getting settled down. I was going to ask if you wanted to go on a tour, but I guess you can't."

Red Alert sighed, considering his next options. "Windcharger and Seaspray. Tell them for me Inferno?"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Red Alert scribbled furiously on the datapad, wishing that someone would actually tell him before hand that these sort of events were happening. Prowls smooth voice broke across the comm. link, forcing Red Alert to pause. "Red Alert, are you finished with a security plan yet?"

"No."

"Good. The president has made a few changes. He's bringing nearly the entire congress with him."

The stylus in Red Alerts hand fell out of the loose grasp. "Prowl. Please tell me you're joking." Red Alert whispered, feeling tears of frustration and exhaustion well up. "Please tell me you are lying."

"No. I am not."

Red Alert looked at his security plan. It was nearly complete. A few hols, but better then what any human could get. "I'll start on it."

Red Alert stared at the datapad for a few moments after Prowl clicked off, attempting to keep back the anger that was slowly rising. _Why me? Why did Primus decide that I am the only security mech to come to Earth so far?_ Red Alert thought, staring dismally at the datapads.

Then, with a quick shake of his head, Red Alert got back to work on the datapads. Only to be interrupted by a tremendous boom. The stylus in one hand slammed into the table so violently it was flattened, leaving Red Alert with the broken stylus. Red Alert stared at the broken piece of scrap, then tossed it, standing up.

The door slid open, and Red Alert stalked out of the room, his hands clenching and unclenching as he walked with slowly measured steps. Mechs, about to greet the security director, fell silent and melted away without saying a word. The twins didn't notice as he walked up to them, they were too busy laughing at their newest prank.

Which consisted of taking about half the cameras on base and creating a statue with them. Red Alert stared at the statue, wondering what it was, then recognized the pose. "Lady Liberty?"

The twins turned to see Red Alert smiling at them. They took a step back. Red Alert smiling was _not_ a good sign. "Twins." The voice was gentle, almost happy. The twins looked at each other with wide optics.

"Sunny, I don't think this was a good idea." Sideswipe said weakly as Red Alerts smile grew larger.

Sunstreaker stared in horror at Red Alert. "Sides, we're going to die, aren't we?"

Mechs new to the base stopped to watch what was going on. Red Alert brushed by the twins, who stood ramrod stiff. "You know, its almost a shame to have to take it down. Too bad I'm going have to."

His voice was upbeat and happy. The twins exchanged terrified glances, not moving from their positions. Red Alerts smile grew larger as he said, "Too bad also that you two aren't going to be doing anything for the next few vorns. Including sitting."

That made the twins twitch a little. Red Alert calmly subspaced handcuffs and leg braces, locking them on the twins before they knew it.

Red Alert stared at them sourly as they stared mutely back. Then, to the surprise and horror of all those watching, he grabbed them by their tailpipes and began dragging them to the brig.

Screams and shouts of pain echoed through the hallways as humans stopped to stare. Other mechs wisely decided to disappear. "I would take you two on a tour of base like this." Red Alert said conversationally. "Unfortunately, you probably wouldn't pay any attention. After all, you two _never_ pay attention to me." The last sentence was dripping with venom. "No one pays attention to me unless I threaten them."

"Owowowowowowowow! What the slag Red? Why are you dragging us like this-"

"Because I Chose too you idiotic pit spawned glitch!" Red Alert roared, stopping in the middle of the hallway. The mechs that were in hearing range winced and flinched away as Red Alert continued to roar in cybertronian, "You realize that we're having the entire government of the United States coming to visit? Now I have to fix _all_ of those cameras before the visit, AND make up a security plan! Because Wheeljack nearly blew himself into pieces again, I don't even have help for that because for some reason absolutely no other security mechs –whether or not I trust them- have come to Earth!"

The twins looked at each other and then back at Red Alert, who growled, and dragged them the rest of the way to the brig, still holding onto the tailpipe. "I ought to ask Ratchet to weld you to the ceiling until the President comes and leaves so that way you don't embarrass the Autobots even further!" Red Alert snarled. "Instead, you're spending the entire time in the brig."

"What, you can't-"

"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?" Red Alert screamed back, his intense frustration working itself out on the twins. "Do I look like I could even pretend to care?"

Without waiting for an answer Red Alert stormed out of the brig, leaving behind the two sore and stunned twins. "I told you we shouldn't have done that." Sunstreaker grumbled, leaning against the wall. "Now we're stuck here until the President leaves."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Red Alert, by the time he got back to the room, was only marginally feeling better. That small margin disappeared as the mech inside turned. "Sentinel."

"Red Alert! I need you to fill out these forms here."

A stack of datapads was thrust at him, all of them blank. "I already have work-"

"Do them now soldier." Sentinel sneered. Red Alert took a deep breath, reminded himself that it was a commanding officer, and began filling out the forms.

Sentinel smirked, and waited impatiently for Red Alert to finish the forms before taking them without so much as a 'Thank You' and left the room. Red Alert picked up a spare stylus from where he had set it aside, and turned back to his security plans. Prowls rapidly growing impatient voice flickered over the comm. link. "Red Alert, where are the security plans?"

"I'm working on them." Red Alert said in a very neutral tone.

"Very well, do you have the documents the humans gave us scanned into a datapad yet?" Without waiting for an answer Prowl said, "Please send me form 566691Alpha3charlie."

Red Alerts optics offlined, as he put his head against the cool hard metal of the table. "Yes sir." He said, struggling not to let any of the burning anger, or quiet despair out of his voice. _How am I supposed to do all of this?_

He turned to the large pile of documents, quickly sorting through them. He found the one he wanted after a human minute of searching. All sixty seconds. Red Alert sighed in relief as he scanned it in and sent it off to Prowl. Then he turned back to the security plans as Sentinel came marching back in. "I need these forms filled out as-"

He broke off as Red Alert slammed the stylus into the desk hard enough to shatter it. Red Alert looked up, optics rapidly turning red. "You have one click to get out of this room or I swear you will never be seen again!"

Sentinel squeaked as he backed out of the room, "You can't threaten me like that!"

Red Alert stood up, like a snake uncoiling from its position, about to strike. "Are you so sure you want to say that? Because last time I checked it was me that had the datapad of you singing in the washracks. Teletubbies as well."

"What, I do not, and you-"

Red Alert turned, heading over to the computer. Quickly he typed in a code and accessed a sound clip. Sentinels voice singing the theme song of Teletubbies floated across the room. "Still, you wouldn't dare-"

"Everyone, if you wish to see the latest embarrassing clip of an Autobot making a fool of themselves, please flip to the blackmail channel."

Across the Ark mechs scrambled to get to where a vid screen was, many giving up their favorite human shows to see what Red Alert was about to broadcast.

Sentinel Prime looked at Red Alert in acute horror as the clip began to play across all base. "Teletubbies!" Sang the recorded mechs voice, and Red Alert turned back to the stunned mech.

"You were saying?"

"You, you actually…"

"Yes, I did. Now get out and do your own pads!" Red Alert roared, pointing at the door. The mech left in a daze.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

For the next few days _nobody_ went nearby Red Alerts domain. They were likely to get a datapad in the head. Even Inferno steered clear after Red Alert, who hadn't even been looking, gotten a datapad thrown at him that missed by a mere centimeter.

Prime stared at the door, and looked at Prowl. "I don't think it's a good idea to disturb him."

"He hasn't started on the pile of cameras outside of the Ark, and we need them."

"Doesn't _anyone_ know how to fix them?"

"Perceptor, in fact all of scientists, are currently scattered across the states trying to find some way of making energon enough to support us. Nobody with the least amount of knowledge of how to fix them, except for Red Alert, is left on the base."

"Ratchet?"

"He tired his hand at one, but he's more familiar with mechs, not cameras. Besides, Red Alert probably custom made them."

Both stared apprehensively at the door. They could feel the waves of anger rolling out from the closed door, and both were hesitant about entering the room. Inferno came marching by at that moment, holding two cubes, and looking determined to shove it down Red Alerts throat if needed. "Inferno! Tell Red Alert that he needs to fix those cameras outside, and as soon as he's finished to send the security plan to Prowl."

Prime and Prowl vanished before Inferno could object. _Great, they left me to bear the bad news._ Inferno thought sourly, staring at the two dust clouds that had been kicked up in the speed of the departures. _Well, into the pit of doom._

Inferno didn't knock on the door like he had done last time. Instead he simply punched in the code, walked in, and slammed the cube down in front of Red Alert. Red Alert jumped, looking up at Inferno. "What-" he began, before Inferno cut him off.

"Red, you haven't had any energon for a long time. I know. Now drink that before I forcefully shove it down your throat."

Red Alert obediently drank the energon and sighed in slight contentment as the energon ran through his systems, giving it the boost it so badly needed. Inferno placed the second cube in front of Red Alert, smiling. "You'll probably want this one as well."

Red Alert picked up the second cube, his earlier hostility slowly ebbing away as he sipped at it slowly, taking time to savor the different tastes. "Why were Prowl and Prime standing outside of my office?"

Inferno twitched, and fidgeted nervously with his fingers. "They wanted to remind you about the pile of cameras…" Inferno admitted, blushing.

Red Alert stared at Inferno, then groaned, his head dropping to hit the table with a clang. Inferno twitched at that sound looking up. "Inferno, could you please bring the cameras here? I'll wrap up the last few details with this."

"Sure Red."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It took Inferno five trips to transport all of the cameras to the room Red Alert had currently commandeered for himself. All five trips mechs asked him about whether or not it was safe to take the shortest route to the cafeteria. Every time Inferno would shrug and say, "So long as no one does anything stupid."

Red Alert looked up as the last of the cameras were transported in. "Alright, I've finished with the security plans. Could you take that to Prowl? I'll get started on these cameras…"

Red Alert looked at the large mounds of cameras, and then looked back at Inferno. "This many?"

"They put cameras inside of the replica they built."

"I'm going to kill them."

Inferno stared at Red Alert. Red Alerts voice had been completely neutral, as if he was talking about the weather. "I am going to take them apart slowly, and build them into cameras!" Red Alert continued, his voice slowly growing harder, "Then I'll sell the rest of them as spare parts."

"I think Ratchet will be happy with that." Inferno said, trying to turn it into a joke.

Red Alert purred to himself, stroking his gun, "Yes, I think he would."

"Calm down Red!" Inferno yelped, "Ratchet would be furious if you killed them."

"That's true as well." Red Alert subspaced his gun, frowning. "Ah well, thank you Inferno for your help."

Inferno reluctantly left with the datapad to give to Prowl as Red Alert turned to the destroyed cameras with a sigh. _Might as well get started on them._ He thought miserably, and picked up the first one, pulling his tool kit out of subspace.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The president laughed heartily as the end of his visit came to an end. "Of course I understand about not being able to see all of the Ark. I do have to say, you had some rather remarkable security measures. My men hardly had to do a thing.

"It was a very hastily thrown together plan." Red Alert muttered to Inferno from where he was listening in. "It had several huge holes, and variables. If they had gotten me a proper amount of time-" Red Alert sighed, frustrated beyond belief.

None of his earlier anger had dispersed since the President had finally arrived and Inferno was beginning to wonder if Red Alerts anger and antagonism had simply grown.

In the end Red Alert had been forced to pull cameras from monitoring other areas of the Ark in order to properly observe the President. He had not been happy about this, and had fixed the cameras by feel and memory. Inferno had simply watched, trying to calm down Red Alert.

It was hard however, since he had no idea what was driving Red Alert up the wall. At last he broke down, frustrated. "Red, why are you so angry?"

"What?"

Don't play innocent. You're dragging the twins down to the brig by their tailpipes is a story all across base. And nobody dares get close without having something thrown at them. You broadcasted Sentinels blackmail, and you only warned him once instead of your usual three times. Why are ya so mad Red?"

Red Alerts hands stilled on the camera as he stared at Inferno. "Inferno, I haven't recharged in nearly a _week_. I had to do around four projects at once, and the twins with their pranks had really tipped the scale."

"And sentinel?"

"He deserved it. I heard him talking behind my back. He'll adhere to any stereotypes he hears, no matter how stupid they are." Red Alert slammed the camera down, glaring.

Inferno was just thankful that Red Alert wasn't glaring at _him_. "Inferno, I've been busy, and I couldn't allow the twins to simply ruin everything. So that's why I threw them in the brig. Sentinel was just an idiotic mech who caught me in a bad time."

Inferno moved closer to Red Alert, one hand resting on the Lamborghini's shoulder. "Yeah, Red Alert?"

"Yes Inferno?"

"Next time you're feeling overworked, why not tell Prime or Prowl."

Red Alert stared blankly at Inferno. "Who else is going to do it? I am the _only_ security mech that has landed so far Inferno. The _only_ one. That means I have to review tapes to make sure that the reports are correct, I can't allow any other mech other then those with training handle half of the sensors. Inferno, I'm trying to watch an entire army on my _own_."

Inferno winced, looking at Red Alert. "Why not train another?"

"I can, but I need the _time_ to train Inferno. And time is something I don't have!"

Prime entered at that moment, followed by Prowl. "Red Alert, thank you." Prime said at last. It was the only thing he could say, especially since he was at last beginning to realize how much work he had dumped on the hapless security director.

Red Alert mumbled, "It was a pleasure sir."

Prime shook his head, and looked at Red Alert. "You did well with coming up with such agood plan and organizing the entire thing in such a short amount of time."

Another grunt, as Red Alerts optics burned holes in the floor. He just wanted Prime to leave _now_.

Prime left, as did Prowl. Shortly after they left, Inferno left to scrounge up antoher cube. Red Alert turned away from the consoles, trying to get a grip on himself. _Red Alert, let go of the anger._ But, it was hard. After all, whenever he was angry like this, the base was suddenly a whole lot quieter.

SsSsSsSsSsSs

I _think_ somewhere theirs a Sentinel Prime, but it might just be in TF:A, nto G1. I based this off of 2007 movie verse, written because I am currently rather frustrated.


End file.
